Choose Your Companions Well

“He who walks with wise men will be wise,

But the companion of fools will suffer harm.”

Proverbs 13:20

Who you hang with matters!

Spend time with fools, and it will surely bring you trouble. “The companion of fools will suffer harm.” Sometimes the harm may be ‘guilt by association’ and its attendant damage to your reputation. Other times the more tangible repercussions of your friends’ actions will slosh over upon you (your reckless friend crashes your car, for instance). And, worst of all (and I think probably what Solomon has primarily in mind), “the companion of fools” will often find their very foolishness rubbing off on him.

On the other hand, spending time with the wise has a rubbing off effect as well! “He who walks with wise men will be wise”! Solid, wise, God-fearing companions will have a good effect on what we think and how we live.

For better or for worse, says Solomon, our companions will rub off on us! So choose your companions well!

And let me say (influenced by Iain Murray’s The Undercover Revolution*) that surely this rubbing off principle applies, not only to our physical companions, but also to what we might call our virtual companions – those people whose company we may regularly place ourselves via television, movies, social media, song, magazines, radio, books, and video games.

If you regularly watch a particular television program, for instance – the men and women behind the content of that show become, in some ways, your companions. Their worldviews (and potentially agendas), passed on through the medium of that show, are washing regularly over your mind and heart. And, like water washing regularly over a piece of ground, these worldviews are bound to have an effect. If the ideas conveyed are wholesome and godly, then the effect will be a good one … shaping the clay of your heart more into conformity to God’s wisdom. But if their worldviews are unhealthy and foolish (for instance, in the belittling of certain people, or in how they portray gender roles, or sexuality, or the use of money), then you open yourself up to the eroding effect of the thinking of these, your chosen companions. Because the norms of those with whom you spend a good deal of time will tend to become your own.

The same could also be said of the kinds of authors you read, the people you follow most closely on social media, the song-writers whose lyrics and videos you admire, and even the creators of the games that you play.

And so … What if we determined to choose wise virtual companions – people who fear God, and whose worldviews and agendas therefore align with a biblical worldview? What if we read books written by the wise, and listened to podcasts created by the wise, and so on? What if we set aside our regular virtual ‘hanging out’ with people of faulty worldviews, and began to be the virtual companions of a much more God-fearing set of people? How would it affect us? Answer: “He who walks with wise men will be wise.”

This is not to say that you can’t learn anything from unbelievers, nor enjoy some of their art, or humor, or creativity. But it is to say that people of foolish worldviews shouldn’t be our companions; they shouldn’t be those with whom we walk; we shouldn’t make them our close friends – not even virtually. We shouldn’t spend a great deal of time imbibing the worldviews of those who don’t fear the Lord. And we should spend lots of time being rubbed off upon by the wise!

So choose your companions well!

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*Murray points out how, through the medium of novels, ungodly authors in the past had a devastating influence on the culture that read them, and how we need always to beware such infiltration of our minds and hearts. Having learned from him how ungodly people can influence us through their creative works, I apply that lesson in this article.

Farewells

Farewell. It’s a word we don’t use terribly often in modern English. But it’s an activity in which we must all engage … farewelling those who pass from the scenes of our lives, or at least from the everyday scenes. And we’ve become quiet experienced at it here at PRBC. For, in the decade-and-a-half that this has been my church home, the Lord has seen fit, both to gather a handful of our number into His heavenly presence, and also to send a great many handfuls of PRBCers to live, work, and worship in other earthly locales. And so we’ve had to wish a great many people God’s blessings as they have gone on from our fellowship. And we do so again this coming Sunday.

Now, in this day of phones, email, automobiles, and airplanes, farewelling a moving friend is not nearly so stark a goodbye as it once would have been. I am able to stay in quite easy touch with former PRBCers in Washington, and in Florida, and in many places in between. And so maybe we don’t feel these sorts of farewells as keenly as we might have if we’d lived in the days of the covered wagon. But it’s still hard to see people go. And it’s hard to be the one who goes (probably harder, in many cases).

And yet I am reminded today, as our brother and sister and their children depart from us, that even if they were heading out on the Oregon Trail, never to see our faces again in this life; or even if they were departing this life altogether … the farewelling would only be for this life. Because, for the believer in Jesus Christ – in addition to being “always … with the Lord”, and being finally rid of our sin forever – the eternal world that lies before us will also be a grand reunion of the saints, will it not? As my friend Eileen once told me, on her way into surgery, ‘I will see you soon … either here, or there!’ And she was right! If we are in Christ, we will see our Christian friends again! Perhaps face-to-face, thanks to automobiles or airplanes. Maybe on FaceTime or Skype. But assuredly in glory!

Now, I doubt there will be a Pleasant Ridge seating area in eternity. But we will all be in the same congregation together once again! And I feel confident we will track one another down, and fellowship together, once again, just as we did here at the crest of this hill in Cincinnati (only, in that day, we will do it without time constraints or sin!). And so, in this day of farewells, we look to that day of reunions. And thus we can be “sorrowful yet always rejoicing.”

David's Mighty Men

I was struck, once again, this week as I re-read the account of David’s “mighty men” in 2 Samuel 23. You may remember that chapter, where the biblical author gives us a who’s who of David’s leading men – listing thirty-plus of them who counted as David’s most valiant and trusted warriors. One of them “went down and killed a lion in the middle of a pit on a snowy day.” Another of them slew eight hundred of the enemy in a single battle. And then there was the instance in which three of the mighty men, overhearing David’s wistfulness about the refreshing water that could be drawn from his hometown well, broke through the lines of Philistines camped round about that well, and secured a skin of water for their lord at the risk of their very lives!

These were great men! “Mighty men”, as they are called. Men who would go to great personal risk, and make great personal efforts to serve their lord, David. Even though, for most of them, all we know if their name and place of origin, there is no doubt that David could have listed many, many acts of valor, honor, loyalty, and kindness which each of them had performed on his behalf (and, thus, on behalf of his Lord).

And, as I read about them again this week, I was struck with the thought that he (or she) is greatly blessed who has such a band of men (or women) by his (or her) side. We are marvelously privileged if we have even three, much less thirty, such people in our lives – people who are valiant for what is right; people of honor; people who will be loyal to us no matter how difficult it may be; people who will go to great lengths to show love and care and help to our souls.

And it begs the question: Who are the mighty men (or women) in your life? Some of them may be spouses or family; some church family; some brothers and sisters in Christ who live in other places, but who would stop on a dime and be in Cincinnati overnight if that is what you needed. Do you have such people in your life? If so, you are rich indeed!

But then we should also ask … whose mighty man or woman are you? You cannot be “closer than a brother” to every friend in your life. But there are probably a few for whom you absolutely should be! Who are they? Or whom ought they to be? Don’t let them down. Be mighty on their behalf, and mighty for the Lord in their lives. No one else may know all that you did and sacrificed for their good. But they, like David, will have a long list of reasons to be thankful for you. And God will honor your faithfulness!

More Lessons from Suffering

Last week I wrote about the blessings that come along with suffering. Particularly I mentioned how, in my bouts with severe anxiety, the Lord has humbled me (showing me just how much I do not have it all together); and also how He’s given me, through my own months in the dungeon, a much deeper compassion for those who are mentally and emotionally perplexed.

Today I want to mention two more gifts the Lord has poured out on my life through the thunderstorm of suffering.

One is simply the gift of real Christian friendship. In my days of trial, many of God’s people were praying for me, and rallying around me. My dad drove all the way from Nashville at one point, just to be with me in my darkness. My church family, pastor friends, college friends, sisters, parents, and in-laws were all of tremendous help. And, O, what a blessing it was to see both my family and the body of Christ – both local and more widespread – uplifting the broken one.

Let me mention one friendship in particular. My friend, Anthony, knows (far more than I do) what it is to suffer. And he knows the Lord’s comfort, too. And, I think, out of “the comfort with which [he himself is] comforted by God,” he was able to comfort me – which is precisely the biblical pattern (2 Corinthians 1.3-4)! For some time, he called me more than once a week, just to check on me, and to find out how he could pray for me. One particular Saturday afternoon, Tobey called him and asked him to pray (because things were particularly bleak). And he not only prayed, but drove 300-plus miles, through the night, to be here with me the following morning, to preach in my place, and to spend the afternoon with me before driving all the way back to Virginia. Truly “there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18.24). His name is Jesus, of course. But He is mirrored also in the people who, in His name, also “stick closer than a brother.” And sometimes it takes suffering before we realize just what good friends the Lord has given to us. “A brother is born for adversity” (Proverbs 17.17). Make sure you are that kind of brother or sister to someone in need.

Secondly, let me also mention that my trials have helped me better to realize that this world is not my home, and given me a longing for eternity. We all want to go to heaven, don’t we? But sometimes not quite yet. Because life seems pretty good here. Things are going, in many ways, the way we wanted them to go. And, while we know (Philippians 1.23) that “to depart and be with Christ … is very much better,” we don’t always truly long to do so. We’re distracted by and caught up in the stuff of this temporary world. And I am still very much that way, I admit. But not quite as much so as before. While in my dungeon of despair, I got a much more realistic look into the curse that is upon this world (including the brokenness and ugliness that is in my own soul). And it won’t all be made well until Jesus finally returns and makes “all things new.” And having seen how old and tattered things really are, I long just a little more for that day – and, I hope, for Him who will bring it with Him when He comes. And, while I hope I never, ever have to revisit the darkness of last spring and summer – if it has made me long, just a little bit more, for the light of eternity … well then, it was a good gift from a good heavenly Father.